Local SA meeting busted, anonymity destroyed.

You can read a well balanced article about this incident here.

This is why newcomers have to call to find out where meetings are. This is why some meetings screen.

If you’re a reporter and you want to do a story on sex addiction, try educating yourself a little first. Then call some local contact numbers and ask if you can visit a meeting, ask if you can interview a member. Lots of us are willing to give interviews if you’ll protect our anonymity.

Not all sex addicts are sex offenders. You can wreck your life with masturbation alone, especially if you tie something around your neck. There’s Internet porn, 1-900 numbers,and  chat rooms. They’re all legal. Being a prostitute or soliciting a prostitute are both illegal. So is dropping your cell phone and snapping a quick upskirt. Exposing your private parts is illegal, although women who wear skirts without panties usually aren’t arrested. Having sex in a public bathroom is illegal, especially if it’s two men, but dry humping a dancer in a strip club is legal, as long as you don’t touch the dancer with your hands.

People are afraid to go to meetings for two main reasons. Number one, someone will see them. Number two, someone will think they’re a pedophile. 

Not all alcoholics are murderers, right?



  1. This is absolutely outrageous! As a former journalist, as a survivor of a sex addicts’ lewd use of my child body for his own pleasure, as a member of a 12-step group for my own sex addiction I am absolutely OUTRAGED by this report. I’m not only angry with the reporter and videographer, but with the station management who aired this report.

    I encourage everyone who is so inclined to join me in writing to this news station and expressing strong objection to this kind of alleged reporting.

    News 12 Long Island
    1 Media Crossways
    Woodbury, NY 11797

  2. I’m stunned albeit, not surprised really. There is anonymity and confidentiality and then, there is no such thing.

    I worked as a counselor in a treatment center that treated sex addicts. These patients were always advised by the therapist who ran the sex addiction program to “come clean” in their primary group as well as in their family week program groups. Because I was an evening and weekend counselor I would be one of the people they would speak with about their concerns around exposing their secret lives in this manner.

    Their concerns were usually about divorce proceedings and child custody arrangements. Also about their public reputation and how these disclosures might effect their careers.

    My advice was always very simple: There is no such thing as complete anonymity or confidentiality. Sharing the absolute truth about our secret lives with anyone is a risk. For many it is a risk that works out well and brings recovery and healing. For some it turns out to be the worst mistake of their lives. Everyone has heard stories of a fellow recovering person putting another’s “sh_t on the street” or breaking their anonymity by gossiping. Then there is the very real possibility that the significant other taking part in the family process who may or may not at that time be seeking a divorce or child custody will simply subpoena the treatment records for use in court and anything charted in them will become literally a matter of public record. I have witnessed many divorce proceedings and child custody battles that were entered into as a result of “coming clean” during family week groups.

    This is the stark reality. I currently have a recovering friend involved in a divorce/child custody battle whose wife’s attorney recently introduced a 4th step he had on his computer that his wife took from him introduced into evidence against him in the proceedings. YIKES! He is a professional in the treatment community and is now under scrupulous examination by those who write his paycheck. REALITY!

    There is much to be said for the “therapeutic value of one addict helping another” and “a trusted closed-mouth friend”; however, friendships fade and addicts can be fickle friends. Perhaps the only “safe” way for us to disclose our deepest secrets is to blindly come upon someone who is a stranger to us, share our dirty laundry and move away quickly hoping they do not get a good idea of where we came from or which direction we are leaving toward.

    I will mention now only briefly that many of the behaviors shared in a treatment setting as well as with a sponsor are illegal and reportable by those in the helping professions, many of whom are in 12 step groups acting as sponsors to others.

    Coming clean is risky business however it’s done and yet necessary.

    Choose your confidant with great care I say.

    Peace and Respect to all,

  3. This is so, so disturbing. I just don’t have the words, but a heaviness in my chest that makes it hard to type and think of the proper English to be applied here.

    If just one person shies away from getting help because of this, then she (Tara?) has contributed to “the problem” in so many irresponsible, irreparable ways. And she has no clue what “the problem” is.

    I wish The Gentle Path version of what SA is and isn’t, could be strategically released to the general public so that we could all begin to be healed, rather than shamed, and ultimately go under–all of us, the addict, the partner, the children, the parents. Knowledge is power. This is ignorance, which destroys. Truth is beauty…

    Write that memoir!

  4. Oh, my God, this pisses me off. The suspenseful music, the ominous voiceover, the camera angles that seem to make everyone look shady. Grrr. It’s hard enough for a sex addict to get past the shame and admit they need help–ignorant crap like this just makes it worse.

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