My husband has started a new business and I’ve been working with him for the past few weeks. My house hasn’t been cleaned in almost a month, there’s no food, and the damn dog keeps peeing in my closet. My exercise routine has evaporated and I can’t remember the last time I actually cooked dinner. Does boiling spaghetti and dumping a can of pesto on top count as cooking? Probably. But my husband’s the one who has been doing that. And can I take a moment to say that I hate PC’s? Honest to God, it’s like the whole world got together and decided to drive around on square tires.
For most of my adult life, I haven’t worked outside the home so going from full time mom to full time work has been a real adjustment. Life has become unbalanced. Now that I have a moment to stop and reflect, it’s kind of weird that I’m not craving sex. Or alcohol. Or cigarettes. In treatment we addicts were warned that getting out of balance was dangerous to our sobriety. Personally I think it’s because my life isn’t completely out of whack, it’s just a bit tilted. Or maybe it’s that I’m too busy and overwhelmed right now to notice my sobriety is getting wobbly. Maybe once things slow down a bit it’ll hit me like a ton of bricks. I have had the few odd thoughts, but that’s not unusual. Sexual thoughts come and go, it’s whether you entertain the thoughts that make a difference.
I got a comment recently from Rae about the PCI. I’ve been thinking about that every single day since she posted it. It’s particularly pertinent because the PCI is a tool to help you maintain healthy balance in your life. I have a nifty chart (you can download a copy from the link on the left of the home page of this blog). I have a spreadsheet that will draw me a graph of my PCI over weeks, months, and years. It’s got nice pictures and a beautiful layout with a calm green background. Very artistic. I have a virtual sticky note on my computer for my PCI.
I’m sure you can guess where I’m going with this. I can’t remember the last time I actually USED my PCI. It was probably a week or two after I posted about what a wonderful too the PCI is. And it really is a great tool. But you gotta use it. That whole darn post was trying to make that very point – great tool but you gotta use it.
I have spent a lot of time refining my recovery tools. Seriously. Download my PCI if you don’t believe me! I can wax eloquent and post like some kind of recovery guru but the honest truth is that yellow sticky notes are just about the only thing I’ve found that works consistently. And that’s because I can stick them on the steering wheel, the mirror, the toilet, and the fridge. Those are all places I see at least once a day.
I’m saying that – and it sounds good doesn’t it? But we’ll see if I can actually follow through and put some of those stickies up before I fall completely off the balance beam.
So to answer your question Rae, yes I think your therapist is right. The PCI is a good tool and you should use it. So should I. And so should your therapist!
Sometimes don’t you wish someone could make you do what you should do?