Easy Does It

Well, today is better than yesterday was.

I’m thinking about doing a 90 in 90 (that’s going to 90 AA meetings in 90 days) but I don’t know. Yes it’s true that recovery is recovery. But I don’t feel like I belong in AA. Shit. I’d give my eye teeth to be a garden variety drunk. Yesterday there were several women in the AA meeting I attended. They were all nice. They passed around a meeting list and put their numbers on it for me. But if they knew what I was REALLY like . . . . You know, it’s addiction is addiction, but a sex addict cannot “bring the inside out” at an AA meeting. But my home group is a freakin’ two-hour drive and in over 5 years, I can count on one hand the number of times I haven’t been the only woman. Plus it’s a two hour drive. In the summer that’s not so bad, but in winter it gets dark early and the roads can be bad.

Here’s a good article about Internet porn: http://yourbrainonporn.com/doing-what-you-evolved-to-do




  1. I know that there are phone meetings available like teleconferences and I hear from my own spousal support group, that they’re pretty good. I hope that the AA meetings don’t further frustrate you.

  2. I know that feeling of shame well. So disappointed in myself, of what I was capable of doing. Horrified really.

    One thing that really helped me was to spill my guts to someone who I knew would not judge me for my humanity, for my actions. Without that I think the self loathing would have spiralled even further.

    Knowing what I am capable of doing has helped me be more compassionate towards others and eventually I was able to be compassionate towards myself without excusing my behaviour. That was hard to learn.

  3. There isn’t any SAA where I am. I’ve been back in AA for several years now. During the worst patch I had someone I could call on the phone regarding my sexual addiction. She was a godsend more than once. I mentioned that addiction in an AA meeting once when the topic was sex. I won’t do it again. There really is something to be said about specific meetings for specific addictions.
    I’ve been reading all along. Your blogging has really helped me in my own journey. Hang in there.

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