@#$%!

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So I go to this meeting, right? I know that there’s a certain amount of god-stuff I’m going to hear because it’s 12-steps. Okay.

But this guy just went on and on and on and on about the big, big book (i.e. the Bible) and how his higher power will always be there. Lightning might strike a door knob, sponsors die, but his higher power will “never, never, never, never, never go away.”

Fucking asshole.

But hey, there’s hope for someone like me. You know, someone who doesn’t believe in God (that’s God with a capital G – and lest you forget, God is mentioned six (!) times in the steps so everyone better pay attention to it). Anyway, there’s hope. Because since I don’t believe in God, all I have to do is look at a tree. That proves (!) that God exists. Because I can’t make a tree, right? Ipso facto.

Before this meeting, I was an atheist. But now, I see that trees exist so I have come to believe.

I hate preaching in meetings. Share your own experience of whichever deity helped you get sober. That’s helpful. But don’t fucking tell me what to believe. Evangelize on your own fucking time.

In the meantime, I’ll be working on accepting that I hear shit that pisses me off sometimes. And I’ll be grateful that I don’t have to make the rooms safe for other atheists, and I don’t have to be an atheist apologist. I don’t need to explain or justify my atheism.

Sorry dude, the tree thing just didn’t convert me. And please, telling me about eyes isn’t going to convince me to believe either.

I am so ANGRY I could spit!

<ending rant, stepping off soapbox, regaining serenity>

Thank you for letting me get that off my chest. Hearing stuff like that at meetings really makes me feel alone. It’s bad enough being the only sex addict in the room. Being the only atheist sex addict feels lonely and vulnerable.

GP

 

 

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2 comments

  1. Take what you need from the meeting. Not all the shares are meant for everyone. Stick with it. As difficult as the higher power piece to 12 step, the program has results and has been going strong for over 70 years. If it helps, look at the strength and common force of recovery of the group as the higher power. It is not thing to accept some force beyond you. I like to think that I spent many years bowing and serving a god called addiction, so looking at a higher power for good is not a big stretch for me. Love your honesty.

  2. I hear ya! I’m good without god too and dealing with my addiction. For me I see it as the clinging to religion as a substitute for someone to get through another day sober. It’s not my way and all addicts want to know more than everyone else in my opinion. Let that person go on and let their abrassive way of projecting their recovery go to the wayside. You are not alone, 12 step is a be-atch for this aethiest. It is tough to sit in a meeting and hear someone go on & on about how it is all some god’s predetermined destiny on how our lives are “tested”.
    They need an answer and as the author Ken Kesey once said ” I’m for mystery, not interpretive answers. … The answer is never the answer. What’s really interesting is the mystery. If you seek the mystery instead of the answer, you’ll always be seeking. I’ve never seen anybody really find the answer, but they think they have. So they stop thinking. But the job is to seek mystery, evoke mystery, plant a garden in which strange plants grow and mysteries bloom. The need for mystery is greater than the need for an answer.” If they need an answer to think they can end their mystery, then instead of turning the other cheek, turn a deaf ear and keep on trudging the path. Their expectations are predetermined resentments if they can not handle someone not needing a formal god outside of themselves.
    Keep sober as best you can & good wishes to you!

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