This website, http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/ is a good one to check out if you’re thinking of killing yourself. It helped me.
I can understand being in so much pain that you just want to sleep. There comes a point where the pain is just too much. If staying alive is painful for you, if all you want to do is sleep and never wake up, suicide can look like a way out.
Everyone has a breaking point. Everyone.
If you kill yourself, you’ll pass down a legacy of shame and death. It really is worth a sincere try to get some help first.
REMEMBER: Suicidal brains are sick, not bad.
Sick brains contemplate suicide. That sounds harsh only because we tend to view a sick brain as a failure of character or willpower. But that’s bullshit; brains are like every other part of the body.
Have you ever been in the shower and found a lump or coughed up blood? In an instant, everything changes. You’re all of a sudden looking through this kind of dark tunnel into a whole new world.
That’s how we should treat suicidal thoughts. They are every bit as life threatening as cancer. Get some help from a medical doctor to decide whether your thoughts are benign or malignant. Get help even if you’re sure you’re going to feel better in the morning because The nighttime has a habit of rolling around again and again on a daily basis.
“I don’t want to be medicated.”
Some people are worried about taking anti-depressants. But if you’re willing to take Pepto-Bismol when you’ve got a problem with your digestive organ, like diarrhea, then what’s the big deal about taking medicine when your thinking organ gets sick? Besides, if your mental diarrhea doesn’t respond to treatment, you won’t be any worse off. You have to admit its pretty stupid to worry about the side effects when you want to be dead anyway.
Staying alive was difficult.
My life was a wreck and I was so miserable I didn’t know which way to turn. That’s probably not so different from where you are right now. I decided that I owed it to my family to at least try treatment, mostly because I couldn’t find a single scrap of evidence that showed that my kids would be better off if I committed suicide. I told myself that if treatment didn’t work, I would carry out my plans afterward with a clear conscience. If that sounds crazy, it’s because it is!
I remember thinking that a funeral would be a lot cheaper than treatment. It was a really bad time in my life. And now, it’s in the past. I’m really, really glad I’m alive. That funeral would have changed my children’s lives much differently from the way my recovery has affected them. Staying alive was difficult, but it was absolutely worth the effort.
I sincerely hope, one fellow human being to another, that these words give you enough hope to postpone suicide until after you’ve gotten help.
Just for today, you can live. Just for today you can pick up the phone and call a suicide hotline. Tomorrow you can make a different choice but for now, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-TALK.
Suicide is not an escape. It’s a bomb. There will be a lot of collateral damage.