Blog Archives

Recovery = Freedom to Choose

One of the reasons it’s easier to get sober in rehab is there’s no drug there. For sex addicts that means no magazines, no TV, no computers, no phones. There’s also a dress code. No sleeveless shirts. Shorts and skirts

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Posted in co-addiction, sexaholic

Spouses Need Disclosure

Spouses need disclosure because they have a right to know who they love and what world they’re living in. It’s grossly unfair to pretend that everything is fine when it’s not. As difficult as this is, we’ve got to tell

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Posted in co-addiction, recovery tools, sex addiction

The Long answer for “Do you know how much you hurt me?”

It’s all about the meta-message. If you aren’t sure what a meta-message is, Deborah Tannen will explain it to you on the video. This question we addicts get asked reminds me in a way of when my children were little

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Posted in co-addiction, recovery tools, sex addiction

“Do you know how much you hurt me?”

  When a spouse asks this, what should we recovering addicts say? I don’t know about you, but I feel queasy just reading the question. It sucks. I caused this wound and there’s nothing I can do to make it

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Posted in co-addiction, recovery tools, sex addiction

I’m a Strong Woman in Recovery

Most times I try to help someone else, it helps me too. This one time, I felt worse after trying to help but I used my recovery tools to counter the shame.

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Posted in co-addiction, recovery tools, sex addiction

Mindreading, Shame, and Other Women

At the first weekend conference I attended, I was scared witless. I went because the men in my group said that there might be other women there, and evidently I needed these recovering women for my own recovery. Now, here’s

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Posted in co-addiction, sex addiction